Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
