Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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