hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
