I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
