On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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