id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
