u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
