he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize