I want to make a zoo with you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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