Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
