Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
