Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
