Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
