All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
