There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
