Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
She told me I should be a condom model.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
