Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
