lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
