Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
