He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize