You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
