you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
