If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
