She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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