Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
