so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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