who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
