Porn is love you can see.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
