yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
