After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
