Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
