i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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