i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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