I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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