I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
