How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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