Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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