It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
