i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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