sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
