Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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