Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
