Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
