so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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