You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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