i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We are two peas in an std pod
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
