Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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