I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
