Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
it was like eating out sand paper
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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