we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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