Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
