I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
