im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
