I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
