She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
