he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
