Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize