I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
