Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
