I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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