i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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