who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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