Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
