Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
