I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
