Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize