I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
