Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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