Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Found the puke drawer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
