I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Let's get the cat blown out
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
