I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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