My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
