My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
