New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
