On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
